he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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