Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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