We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
