I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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