We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
