cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
tell me about the fingering
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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