my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Can Purell be used as lube?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
