I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
