I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
