Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
