I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
