i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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