Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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