i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Pants are for mortals
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize