just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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