Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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