I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
