Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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