NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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