Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize