I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
