I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Found the puke drawer
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
