I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
