im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize