who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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