Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
