Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
