did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
