Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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