I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
