i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
