what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
