Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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