Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
