Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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