I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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