seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
