Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
