Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
