oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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