sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
