New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Is Oprah even human
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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