I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
3 2 1 whiskey
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
