I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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