i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize