margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
