I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
