It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
