Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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