I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
