Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
