I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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