I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
