Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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