Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
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There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
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You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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