you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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