So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
