I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
