I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
