That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
