Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Randomize
